I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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