this beer tastes like vomit already
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize