My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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