y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
