Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
