so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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