and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
