Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
