I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
