i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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