I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
