His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
