I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
