hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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