i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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