i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
