Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
