Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize