someone threw a dead crab at me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
