imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
