whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This house was built for laser tag.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
