I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
