I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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