I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
