I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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