paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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