I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
