He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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