Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
