We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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