We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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