We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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