No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
