"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize