I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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