at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
