so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
