Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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