Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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