I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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