Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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