Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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