Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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