Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Boobs speak an international language.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
