His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
