New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
