I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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