We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
