Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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