please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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