the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
