Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
