dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
