mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
