i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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