I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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