He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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