Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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