You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
