Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
