a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
