I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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