Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize