I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
