Will you blow on my dice?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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