Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
