after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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