also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize