So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
