hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
