u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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