True but thats because hes a fetus.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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